Posting my thesis both on the blog, on Facebook, and talking about it with my roommates forced me to confront the scary idea I'd been avoiding: that my initial idea may not work, and doesn't really make me excited to write it. In a past paper, I talked about how Alice wasn't mad, but found a way to cope with the madness by creating her own meaning. I really liked my last paper and wanted to execute it better and continue with this idea with the Count of Monte Cristo. But things are not exactly flowing together. Tori called it out best on the blog. She pointed out that there seemed like there was too much going on in my thesis and that the comparison format made it look like two papers instead of one. On Facebook, one of my past high school teachers commented and made me realize that my set up inadvertently led to the conclusion that one way to find existential meaning was better than the other—which isn’t really where I wanted to go. So right now, I’ve decided to focus on Count of Monte Cristo first, and get an idea of what I want to do with it and then connect it to Alice. What forever interests me is the ending scene. Edmond renounces his attempts to play God and then desperately hopes to find himself through others. This moment contradicts everything he worked for—all his talk of being no one, all his vicious plots for revenge. I think I'd like to do something with this idea of futility.