Drowning

Confession: My greatest fear is drowning.  

Though I’ve never actually experienced anything close to drowning, the event  haunts my dreams.  It starts with the last gasp and gulp of air, and you give all your exertion to kicking and flailing; trying to propel yourself back to the surface.  Fatigue quickly sets in, leaving your body’s alarms screaming.  You must get out!  You must find a way to resurface!  But there is so much bringing you down… fatigue, pressure, not even knowing which way is up any more… And then there is the pause, the silence… and you know it’s coming.  The last watery breath, and then… I wake up from the dream.

At this point I have yet to wake up.  

I am flailing and my mind, body, lungs, everything is screaming of air!  

For reprieve from the floundering.

The more I dive into my topic, the more things jump out and me and beg me for attention.  With every new drop of information pooling together I hadn’t realized that I had been creating my own demise.  
I feel that the surface is close, but I don’t know what direction to orient myself to get there.  

I have two competing thoughts.  One I feel is more practical, the other more intriguing… and I hate to admit it, but I think it’s about time that practicality wins.  

I have been switching between a feministic approach of my two books and more generally defining what a good book is generationally speaking.

This was my thesis and opening paragraph… and this is what it might be (most likely) changed to.  (still a rough draft...) 

I’m asking for honest, direct and constructive feedback! 

Between two exams, another paper and wedding planning I’m trying not to drown.  I’ve been trying to rely on my own strength to resurface, but now it’s time to reach for a life- preserver… if anyone is willing to throw one out to me.  

SHELL

This really is a shell. Quite empty. In fact, if you could hold it up to your ear, you might hear the ocean.

I am stuck with what I think I want to say and how I want to say it. I am also finding out that JRR Tolkien did a lot of artwork so I am not sure how much that will affect my decision to run with this idea.

Click here --> MY SHELL

Small Brainstorm

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Alice Illustration

LOTR Ilustration by Tolkien

Unrequited Love

From the Computer Screen of Chalene

Dear Gadget Filled, Shiny, Aluminum Metal Device,

I hope this doesn't come as a shock to you, but I can't keep my feelings to myself any more!

 We have been spending a lot of time together.. a lot of meaningful time.  I feel like we have developed an intimate relationship that I have never shared with anyone else.  You have been there for me.  You help me find the answers to my questions, you listen to my musing and ramblings, and it really feels like you keep my life is order.  My life would be thrown into chaos with out you!  There is no one else I could turn to that is full of such knowledge and wisdom.  I know our time together can wear you down and that you get sleepy from our late nights, but you bring me such great joy.

Thank you Computer.  Thank you for being the place of my mind dump.  Thank you for taking all my incoherent ramblings to heart... well, hard drive.  Thank you for answering my Alice questions, by Elsha questions, by MLA formatting questions.  Thank you for your search engines and blogspots.
My college life (and this paper) would fail without you.

I love you Gadget Filled, Shiny, Aluminum Metal Device.
I only hope that some where deep in your mother board you can love me back.

~Chalene

Questions that still need answering:
- Was Alice popular from the first publishing, or did it take time to gain a readership?
- Comparatively, was Alice a typical book of that Victorian Era or was it unique?
- Was Winter of Fire's genre popular during the late 80's, early 90's?
- Though, currently, though isn't a large readership, was Winter of Fire a typical book of that time?
- What, possibly more popular, books were published near and around the time of both books?
- *Looking together personal opinions and accounts about both novels.

Regaining Composure

Things are getting out of control.

There is way too much going on in my brain. There was more going on than I even realized. Mapping it out was so simple, but so helpful for me because I didn't realize how separate some of my ideas were. I know that I need to eliminate the thoughts that aren't helping my ideas multiply. Also, I realize there were a lot of ideas that did connect that I didn't realize were connected. 

It's easy to see that I have too much going on.

I think I've narrowed it down to the main themes of control and feminism and how they are connected. I am steering away from Alice in Wonderland and will focus more on Ella's world using general examples from other texts.

So here is my shell of a paper.