Drowning

Confession: My greatest fear is drowning.  

Though I’ve never actually experienced anything close to drowning, the event  haunts my dreams.  It starts with the last gasp and gulp of air, and you give all your exertion to kicking and flailing; trying to propel yourself back to the surface.  Fatigue quickly sets in, leaving your body’s alarms screaming.  You must get out!  You must find a way to resurface!  But there is so much bringing you down… fatigue, pressure, not even knowing which way is up any more… And then there is the pause, the silence… and you know it’s coming.  The last watery breath, and then… I wake up from the dream.

At this point I have yet to wake up.  

I am flailing and my mind, body, lungs, everything is screaming of air!  

For reprieve from the floundering.

The more I dive into my topic, the more things jump out and me and beg me for attention.  With every new drop of information pooling together I hadn’t realized that I had been creating my own demise.  
I feel that the surface is close, but I don’t know what direction to orient myself to get there.  

I have two competing thoughts.  One I feel is more practical, the other more intriguing… and I hate to admit it, but I think it’s about time that practicality wins.  

I have been switching between a feministic approach of my two books and more generally defining what a good book is generationally speaking.

This was my thesis and opening paragraph… and this is what it might be (most likely) changed to.  (still a rough draft...) 

I’m asking for honest, direct and constructive feedback! 

Between two exams, another paper and wedding planning I’m trying not to drown.  I’ve been trying to rely on my own strength to resurface, but now it’s time to reach for a life- preserver… if anyone is willing to throw one out to me.